I didn't hear the rest of the surgeons’ words.
My mind went blank.
Too much information!
I felt lost, empty and alone..
I left the office and walked along the stone path, past empty crumbling buildings and headed toward the bay.
Many people walk past me smiling their recognition with silent hellos, but unnoticed by my unblinking stare.
My body feels numb, an empty nothingness as I walk aimlessly toward the rocky shore.
The wind is crisp and clear. The magnificent ocean is beautiful, each wave challenging other waves to reach the top of the rocks before submitting to the grasp from the currents below; normally I would feel cold but not today. Normally I would be in awe of the oceans inextinguishable power. Captivated by it colours, the way the sun reflects a thousand colours in each droplet the leaps above to be first in their race to freedom.
But not today...
Today I am numb, empty and alone to digest the words spoken to me half an hour earlier.
My mind tries to grasp reality.. 'Today..' I sit here staring blankly into the water swirling below me, quietly resting my head in my hand and let out a long deep sigh...
'Today.. what the hell am I going to do..?'
Worried.. Afraid.. No! Terrified of what I do now.
I know it's normal, millions of women have been through it, but not me..
This is new to me and how the hell am I going to deal with..
Being a mother..?!